3 years and counting....

October 25th, 2012 was the first day of the rest of my 'new' life. When the doctors told me I was able to go home most people would be so excited, however when you go from many years of not being able to breathe, you have your concerns. Will I be okay? Are you SURE I can take a deep breath? Mostly thinking I don't want to go home and leave the comfort of all the doctors, nurses, and machines. I still had some chest tubes in so that was scary too. However eventually you have to just jump! Tell yourself I'm fine, I'll be okay, I can do it....
They sent me home, it was the most nerve racking time for me and I know my family. It was so exciting yet so scary. So today marks the first official day three years ago that I got to wake up at home, no oxygen, no machines, no nurses, nothing. Of course I had my mom and brother who took care of me and never left my side but still that fear was there. 

It still is so crazy to me the whole ordeal of transplant. When I go back and think that at one time I was completely anti transplant how could I ever think that? Today I woke up again. BLESSED again. Absolutely thanking God for everything I've been given. This miracle of life I have gained. Three years & 14 days ago I was basically dying. Harsh yes, but it's a reality. We all die, some earlier than others. I couldn't even breathe to lift my hand up. It's so hard to even imagine it. You can't eat because it's to exhausting, you can't shower because you have no air to stand up or exert yourself, you have ZERO strength. You are helpless and can only count on others to help you, it's the most mentally frustrating thing one can go through, knowing you can do it but physically it's impossible. That's when you start building trust & faith in those around you. It was the hardest thing to go through but then again the most rewarding thing in the end. 

I woke up today, I did three loads of laundry, I fixed myself dinner, I showered, and cheered on the Cowboys (who lost but that's not the point). I couldn't do that three years ago. I don't take those little things for granted anymore, yes I am lazy sometimes as everyone is and I don't want to do anything but when I see people complaining about little things in life I just think man life could be so much worse. People who take things for granted just haven't learned how fragile life is and that's okay, their time will come. I am by no means wishing ANY bad on them. 

I have a job now, yes a REAL job. I work 5 days a week, and I'm on my feet 7+ hours a day. It totals to about 5 miles a day. That is crazy, I get so tired to the point of exhaustion. I get tired more easily than others but I try my hardest to push through. Most week days I come home from work about 5-6pm and go lay down in bed. It's by far the most exhausting thing I have ever done, some days I want to quit, give up, say no more but then I think I need to be grateful for the fact that I CAN do this now. Everything I do is because of my donor, SHE is the reason I wake up able to breathe, go to work, shower, eat, and just LIVE. When people criticize the little things about me then go for it. I don't care. I've been through far more than they have and I'm proud of it. 

The point of this post was to let everyone know how far I've come in three years. I had my yearly transplant appointment and did many tests (like always) gave about 13 vials of blood, and everything came back awesome. Yes I'm still fighting this whole diabetes situation but it'll be fine, just one more speed bump in my road that I will get over. It takes time but I didn't even have time before. :) I checked out great, my doctor forced me to give him a HUGE hug, which he hugged me twice, told me how proud of me he is and I'm still their miracle. Which I am totally fine with that. With that being said......

I'm proud of myself. 

I am living. 

I am grateful. 

I am loved. 

I am blessed. 

Most of all I am BREATHING. 

Please if you aren't already sign up to be a donor, there are SO many people who are waiting for transplant and not just lungs. When you are a donor that is by far the most SELFLESS act you can do. 
I'm so lucky to have had the chance to meet knew people and have them become aware of transplant and donating your organs. 

Here is to MANY more years of life, healthy life, making memories, making friends, and just being happy.

Happy Halloween.

Happy soon to be Thanksgiving! 

Most of all Happy 60 days until CHRISTMAS!!!!! (My favorite holiday) :)

love you all.

Courtney