There is one word in this world that scares the crap out of me and I'm sure you all will agree.
So what is this word...?
Fear.
Fear is one of those words everyone will try and cover up and say ha i'm not scared no way! Yet deep down they are terrified. Yes that is completely normal. However there are many different levels of fear in my opinion:
fear of money,
fear of love,
fear of God,
and lastly fear of the unknown.
When the Bible says in Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear for I am with you always" why do we continue to be fearful? I have to assume it's because He is teaching us some kind of lesson that we haven't figured out yet.
When we start talking about the fear of money, what does that mean exactly? We all have different views on "money" issues. Some say, oh I can't afford to go on vacation this year, or will I have enough money to pay my bills. How many medications will I pick up that I need to pay for? Did I pay my house payment?
The truth is, what is money worth to you? Bible says in 1 Timothy 6:10 "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people eager for money have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs". In this society today everything is about money. Back when I was "young" gas was $1.15 and we were trying to figure out how to pay that. Point being forget about money. Start working to live and stop living to work. It's not worth the stress that money causes in our lives. Ive never seen something have so much control over people. My opinion on money is like this, I believe in saving money but also don't hoard it and be a tight wad. Live your life, go on family vacations, enjoy it because you earned it, after all once we leave this world we sure as heck can't take it with us. So don't have a fear of money and whether or not you'll make it in life, because you will. If you have faith in HIM, he will provide for you and not let you suffer. It's just paper, don't let it run & ruin your life.
The fear of love is a very interesting subject or for me it is. I've always had a fear of never finding someone whom will love me for me, and accept everything I've been through. Just because I have a hard exterior doesn't mean I don't want love. Everyone wants to be loved by someone. I still believe that there is someone out there for everybody, even me. The scary part is wondering when "he" will show up. I know he's out there, I just have to be patient and in His timing it will happen. Trust me I have faith. :) so anyone out there who thinks oh no one will every love me, well you are wrong there is one person in this world that will love you unconditionally and he is our Lord Jesus.
I know that some people have the other fear of love in which you are afraid to give your whole heart to someone, which if you were hurt in the past that makes completely sense. However do you want to go through life not being able to feel the love that shines out of you once you let go? I know I wouldn't. All in all just embrace it, embrace the love, show the love, love one another. After all God made us just how he wanted us & we are so blessed.
Fearing God. It's not something I like talking about since I don't fear him. Actually I trust him with my life. Back before I even received my transplant, I was a very angry person. Angry at God, my health, my body, just angry at everyone and everything. I questioned why God would do this to me? Is he even real? God would never give me this awful disease, he's probably a joke. Little did I know he was testing not only my patience but my faith in HIM. He wanted me to "take a number" go get mad, get angry, cry, scream, do whatever I needed to do then He knew I would come back. Low and behold I came back. I stopped fearing Him so much, and started trusting in Him. After all he knows what he's doing. "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." I thought to myself alright bro you obviously know what your doing so you can take over now. Thanks :)
The best thing you can you not only for yourself but for others is do NOT fear God, he is with you always & forever.
Fearing the unknown is my weakness. I wonder what does my future hold? Just almost 2 years ago I was on my death bed, I had no plans at that moment nor for what I wanted to do in life. For many years my "plan" was to wake up (if I even went to sleep) and still be breathing. Not many people know this but from November of 2011 until my transplant date October 10, 2012; I would make my brother (6'2) or my mom hold my hand all night while I "slept". I made them do this every night,. (keep in mind three adults and two weenie dogs in a king bed) I told myself that if I died in my sleep, they would know because my grip would loosen from their hand. Every night I feared the unknown. Will I sleep tonight? Will I wake up? Will I call 911 for the ambulance to transport me to UTSW? It was a constant mind game, am I breathing okay? too fast? too slow? Can I make it to the bathroom or will Trevor have to carry me? I wonder if I'll have enough breath today to be able to eat just a bite of dinner? If I did eat it, would it wear me out to the point of me labor breathing? It was a never ending battle. I had station 10 on speed dial, we became really close. I felt so safe when they would come because that was one thing I knew for sure is they could calm me down. they became my security blanket. They also had the fear of the unknown. Gosh here's Courtney again, will we make it to the hospital before she codes on us? I can't imagine what went on in their mind. The anxiety from unknown was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. I wouldn't wish anxiety on anyone. I could put my pulse oxymeter on my finger it would say 85-90, I could just look down and immediately drop it to 54 then I would hyperventilate and here comes station 10.
The unknown still to this day is something I struggle with and I'm sure everyone else struggles with it as well. Will I make that percentage survival rate they have for new transplant patients? Will I last 3 years or 30 years? But everyday I think gosh how blessed am i? Beyond measures. I will forever cherish this gift. I am trying to not think about the unknown and focus on the right now. My family, my friends, and my God is all I need. Amen?
I can't describe how overjoyed I am with my new lungs. The ONLY unknown I still question is my lungs, I want to know who selfishly gave their life up to extend mine.
Hebrews 11:1 "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" AMEN!
:Side note:
I can't thank everyone enough for reading my blog. In one day I got over 350 views from all over the world. That amazes me. I only started this to help people understand that your life is a GIFT that you can't return, so use it until the warranty expires, then if it does see if you can get replacement parts like I did. :)
My last word: Are you an organ donor? If you are I would love to hear why you became a donor? If not, here is a link to become one. Trust me it's totally worth it.
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