I've decided to start a blog, will it go anywhere? I don't know but I also don't really care. This is for me to reflect on and others to maybe have a better understand of me. We will see.
About me:
I'm a 25 year old "single" girl who just happened to be lucky enough to have a disease called Cystic Fibrosis, I have had this "gift" my whole life but was never diagnosed until I was 3 1/2. I call this a gift because I believe if it wasn't for this my faith and trust in God would be non existent. Without the Lord by my side, along with my family and friends I can honestly tell you right now that I wouldn't be here. My family and friends are my strength, my hope, my love, my life.
November 2011, I was given this amazing opportunity to make my dream come true and fly to New York to see one of the last shows on Live! with Regis & Kelly. Keep in mind I've watched this show for years, I wasn't always healthy enough to attend school so I would stay with my grandma and watch it, while she took care of me. My parents had to obviously work & my brother was at school. Anyways so with my mom's amazing connections, and her work. I was able to take that trip. It was the best trip of my life. I got to take my "sister" Kristin, my mom, brother. I will remember that trip until the day I die. In fact that trip almost killed me, literally. Two weeks after we returned home, we were eating dinner and I told my mom I couldn't breathe......5 seconds later I collapsed in her arms. I blacked out so I don't really know what happened, all I know is that I woke up in the ER, with tubes in my chest, it was at that point I thought to myself, this is it....I'm going to die right here and now. Somehow by the grace of God the hole in my lung healed. Alright awesome, I can go home and everything is normal. But from that point on my life was indeed the biggest, tallest, longest roller coaster I had EVER been on. It never stopped, it had 500 million loopy loops and upside downs than I could count.
Then starting in January the entire year of 2012 I was in the hospital in & out of ICU. It was indeed the hardest thing to go through not only for myself but for my parents and family. I can't imagine watching your daughter, sister, grandchild, niece just whittling away. Basically getting closer and closer to death and going to be with the Lord. I was blessed enough to be pretty heavily medicated so I wouldn't know of anything going on. I do remember one time, the head RT of UTSW, came to talk to me about my options. He had been with me every step of the way. He sat by my bed, held my hand and said, sweetie, we have basically one option we have to vent you but you probably won't ever come off of it because your lungs are so weak & damaged. He said I love you and I HATE being the person to tell you this but I have always been honest with you. He told me to call anyone I wanted before they vented me. My mom had already texted Kristin who was going to college in Tyler, she left immediately to come be with me. So I picked up the phone and I called Alison. She answered very confused and I told her you know I love you, and I just wanted to tell you bye because they said I won't make it off the vent. She started crying, threw the phone down and Kerry picked up and asked what was going on, at that time my mom I think spoke to her. Then I called my Aunt Sheila, I told her good bye and I loved her, she told me I was crazy and I wasn't going anywhere. Of course I didn't believe her because my odds were very very LOW. She then left at 3am to come be with me. From that point on, I don't remember anything. I was put on a machine called ECMO or CardioHelp. It was my last resort. No other options. No good news. All we could do was pray. oh and did we pray. prayed everyday. To help me, give me strength, we wanted hope, a miracle, a cure, anything.
It wasn't until that night my mom laid next to me, and prayed to God.
Lord I give up, I can't fix it, she is in your hands. If it's meant for her to have lungs give them to her, if not please don't let her suffer anymore. Let her go and be with you. Amen.
That's it, that's all she prayed. Nothing less, nothing more.
That next morning, her prayer was answered. My doctor came into my room smiling and told my mom, we have LUNGS, at that moment my doctor, the tough guy, hard exterior, started crying. My mom called everyone she knew and I know deep down she couldn't believe that her little prayer saved me and her. On October 10, 2012 I got lungs! Not one but two healthy lungs.
This little 23 year old girl from Irving, Texas was given a miracle by the one and only Lord. The Lord choose ME. He gave me a miracle. Why me? I don't know and won't ever know, but I can't help but look at life completely different. Those miracles in the Bible that you read and think to yourself ha yeah okay Jesus, like that can even happen. Oh but it can. Look at me.
I now live my life for the Lord.
It's the greatest gift I have ever received in my life. Nothing can compare. He truly is the way and the life.
Here I am 1 year & 8 months since that day. I'm in love with someone I've never met, I love my life. I love what God has done in my life. My only hope is that I can live up to this gift I've been giving. Am I good enough? Am I strong enough? Are you sure you trust me with this gift? Am I meeting his expectations? Of course I am, because if I couldn't handle it he wouldn't have give me such a valuable gift such as a second life. I hope I can show people what life is really about. Don't dwell on the past, don't let the little things ruin your day. Live your OWN life for you and no one else.
With that said, I will end that part of my journey and continue on with my life.
How Great is Our God!
Faith.Hope.Love
Courtney
Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
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